Christmas Catistician Heavy Hoodie for Data Scientists & Statisticians

He’s tabby. He’s flabby. And he’s too busy for reindeer games.

He’s got on his Santa hat, scarf, and ugly Christmas sweater, featuring the Mouse King from The Nutcracker, but it’s not a very merry Christmas for this Catistician, a fat, frustrated statistics wizard.

Look, just leave the cookies and milk on the hearth. This stochastic calculus equation isn't going to solve itself.

Grab this heavyweight holiday hoodie for the very deserving data scientists, statisticians, and quantitative nerds in your life. Cat on front, poem on back.

Offered in bright holiday colors. Look also for the long sleeve tee, the short sleeve tee, and the colorful holiday mug.

#IYKYK

In case you’re unfamiliar with the classic American Christmas Eve poem, commonly known as ’Twas the Night Before Christmas, its true title is, “A Visit from St. Nicholas,” and was penned by Clement C. Moore in 1822. The first two lines go like this:

’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

In Moore’s telling, St. Nick is “chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf.” Our statistical cat is chubby, but he’s a tormented genius, not so jolly.

He’s mathematical tactician, on a chalky inquisition, it’s Christmas Catistician. (You can see some of us were pushing for rap lyrics.)

Moore’s Santa also has the ability to defy gravity by, “laying his finger aside of his nose.” So there’s that.

After much deliberation and workshopping, the QI Curiosities brain-trust went with the opening lines of the Night Before Christmas.

For funzies, here’s our attempt at a Limerick:

Leave the cookies and milk on the platter
While he flexes every fold of grey matter
Christmas Catistician
Can’t divert the mission
Stochastic calculus is a real nutcracker

(Not many English words truly rhyme with “cracker” that don’t feel like forced onomatopoeia. See: “whacker” and “clacker.”)

Speaking of The Nutcracker, did you zoom in on the Mouse King and mouse soldiers on his ugly Christmas sweater?

On Stochastic Calculus

Stochastic is statistical jargon processes that behave seemingly randomly. Other terminology associated with this niche domain are:

Random walk, a path that consists of a succession of random steps
Wiener process, which is a specific Lévy process. Notably, it helps to capitalize the W to disambiguate from other wiener processes, like roasting.
Brownian motion, which pertains to fluid motion

We don’t pretend to understand stochastic calculus. It just looks so dope on a chalkboard being worked by a concentrating cat.

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Offered exclusively to QI Curiosities customers.

Everyone needs a cozy go-to hoodie to curl up in, so go for one that's soft, smooth, and stylish. It's the perfect choice for cooler evenings!

• 50% pre-shrunk cotton, 50% polyester
• Fabric weight: 8.0 oz/yd² (271.25 g/m²)
• Air-jet spun yarn with a soft feel and reduced pilling
• Double-lined hood with matching drawcord
• Quarter-turned body to avoid crease down the middle
• 1 × 1 athletic rib-knit cuffs and waistband with spandex
• Front pouch pocket
• Double-needle stitched collar, shoulders, armholes, cuffs, and hem
• Blank product sourced from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras or El Salvador

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!

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