Statistician's Top Ten Nightmares | Front-Back Black Unisex T-shirt

BUY YOUR FAVORITE STATISTICIAN HIS OR HER NEW FAVORITE HALLOWEEN T-SHIRT

I'm re-enrolled in Stochastic Calculus? Oh thank Zeus, it was just a dream.  

Statisticians aren’t afraid of much, certainly not a robust quantitative analysis. Heck, they live for the deep, intricate mathematics that the rest of run away from.

On their top ten list, you’ll find nine normal night terror topics, and one just for statisticians: stochastic calculus.

Yeesh. We got the shivers just typing it out.

On the FRONT is a schnauzer (let’s call him Bowser) vanishing into void via Venetian blinds...a reference to the first fear on the BACK of the shirt.

That’s what makes this shirt so great! It’s a front-back odyssey of fun and fear.

And look…we at QI Curiosities are not MStats, but we know funny. And swallow my schnauzer is objectively funnier than devour my dog—a lotta layers at work here—so don’t pass up this fun, funny, scary gem just because your statistician doesn’t have a schnauzer running around.

Here’s the list of recurring nightmares, ranked least common to most:

  10) I’m helpless as Venetian blinds swallow my schnauzer. 
  9)   I have a sneezing fit but my eyes won’t shut.
  8)   Ambitious Type-A corpses on Everest beckon me.
  7)   Ambling dead-eyed depression era ragamuffins.
  6)   I'm a brain in a vat in a hive-mind in a simulation.
  5)   Endless frenzied lucidity after my guillotine lop.
  4)   I’m dragged into escalator teeth by my necktie.
  3)   The deafening final pulsations of my aneurysm.
  2)   Disturbing a nest of giant hornets on a hike.
  1)   I’ve re-enrolled in Stochastic Calculus.

#IYKYK. If you don’t know…

Stochastic processes appear to vary in a random manner. In fact, stochastic process and random process are pretty good synonyms, but of course, if someone says, “stochastic” to you they’re flexing their statistical mojo.

Other terminology associated with this niche domain are:

• Random walk, a path that consists of a succession of random steps
• Wiener process, which is a specific Lévy process. Notably, it helps to capitalize the W to disambiguate from other wiener processes, like roasting.
• Brownian motion, which pertains to the motion of fluids.

Stochastic calculus “allows a consistent theory of integration to be defined for integrals of stochastic processes…” Okay. Gotcha.

Stochastic calculus is eagerly applied in stocks trading in the hopes of predicting the animal spirits that move the market.

The father of this field of mathematics is Kiyosi Itô. The integral Itô discovered sets the table for all stochastic calculus. It looks like this:

Doesn't look so scary

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